Today is Father's Day. It's a day when we celebrate our fathers, or father figures, a day to thank them for their contributions to our lives, and to honor them for the sacrifices they've made for us throughout our lives.
In my house, it means precisely zip.
As you all are aware, either because you personally know me or because you've visited this blog before, I am a single mother. I'm sure you've picked up on the fact that my children's father is fairly un-involved. At this point, in fact, he hasn't seen nor spoken to our sons in a month and a half, after previously being MIA for two months straight.
I call it revolving door syndrome.
My youngest barely remembers him. In fact, he thinks "Daddy" means picture, a conundrum I ran into with our oldest as well. Kai now remembers Daddy, and those memories are largely unpleasant.
So what happens for Father's Day in a house like ours, where there is basically no father? I grew up with this problem myself. My father wasn't around, and many memories are...unpleasant, at best. So, I'm taking a page out of my mother's book, and recreating what we did.
We have Father Figures Day, or Important Men Day. We call grandfathers and uncles and close male friends and thank them for the role they play in our lives.
From Robbie, who helped teach Kai to throw a ball, to Robert who saw us through all the legal troubles with their father, to my stepdad who has stepped up as a grandfather though he is not married to my mother, to my mother's cousin's husband who has also stepped up as a grandfather to my sons, to my grandfather who loves me, my siblings, cousins, nieces, nephews, and children so very much, we call, send cards, make gifts...
Next year, we will be by our father figures. Next year, we will be two thousand miles on the other side of the country from the father who walked away from them. This year, we're making phone calls and counting the days until we leave. This year, I had to explain to the head start teacher that no, we will not be attending a father's day picnic, because we have no father to take with us. Next year...we'll go, if there is one where we will be.
To all the fathers, the ones who stayed, the ones who love their children even if the relationship with their mother didn't work, to the men who stepped up for children who aren't theirs...Happy Father's Day. You are the type of men I hope my sons will grow up to be.
