Mom's Tools for Staying Sane...ish

Whether you're like me- a work at home single parent-or not, we all need a break. But how, HOW do we get a break when our kids have issues typical kids don't? Having special needs kids can often make it hard to leave them with a sitter, so what do you do?

Some of us have family members our kids are comfortable with who can take them for short periods of time to give us a few hours' break (or maybe a night). Others don't- maybe they live too far away, maybe their family cannot handle their child's needs, maybe there's no family left. And even for those who have family to help out can't always turn to them for help- if you're in meltdown mode at noon and your family members are out of town, at work, or otherwise unable to help, what do you do???

Keeping in mind that my kids are higher functioning, so what works for us may not work for you, here's some ideas from Mom's Tools for Staying Sane...ish:

1. Pop in a movie the kids will watch, hand them a snack, and lock yourself in your room for the duration. Or until someone screams. Screaming should probably be dealt with by an adult. Probably.
2. Stay up an hour or two after the kids go to bed. Watch a movie. Drink some wine. Read a book. Take a hot shower.
3. If you're not a night owl, get up an hour or so before your kids (unless your kids are like mine and get up at 3 a.m. Then, by all means...sleep as long as you can!), and drink yourself some coffee or tea, watch the morning news, whatever.
4. Speaking of time to yourself, actually use that time for YOU. No, put down the laundry. Step AWAY from the sink. Don't you DARE lay out that kid's clothes yet! Bad, Mom, bad! Sit. No, really, SIT DOWN. Good Mom. Now, drink your coffee. Yes, it's hot. It's SUPPOSED to be hot.
5. Can't trust the kids in the living room alone? Okay, guys- quiet time! Everyone to your room! Yes, your OWN room. Because I don't trust you to let your brother live in one piece in the same room, that's why! Set a timer and no one is allowed out until that timer goes off. 
6. Separate. Bedtimes. Yes, really. The King goes to bed at 6:30. Taryn goes to bed at 7:30. Kyle goes to bed at 8:30. I get individual time with each kid so they are less likely to hang on me throughout the day, AND their bedtimes are early enough that staying up for a bit after they go to bed for myself won't kill me when they inevitably get up before the sun. 

Will those ideas work for everyone? Naturally not, but it's a starting point, at least. Every parent needs time to themselves. We didn't stop being ourselves just because we became parents. I have always needed time to myself- I get way more than just a bit cranky without it. What do you do to get time to yourself? 

To The Ones Who Came Before

Mother's Day is this weekend here in the US. And while we deliver our handmade gifts to mothers in our family and wish our mom friends a happy day, I'd like to take a moment to say thank you to a group of moms it's my pleasure to know, but have never met:

The ones who came before me.

To all the moms who came before me, thank you. Thank you for fighting to get our special needs kids the treatments they deserved. Thank you for fighting for their right to an education, their right to be raised at home as opposed to parents being pushed to put them in institutions.

Thank you to the moms who started the fight with insurance companies to make it easier for us to get our kids the coverage they need. Thank you for pushing for recognition of our kids' needs. Thank you for fighting for their right to the help they need.

Thank you to the moms who looked at the equipment given for their kids needs, whatever it was, and saying, "There has GOT to be an easier/better/more kid-friendly way to do this." Thank you for helping teach the world that our kids may have medical issues, but they are still, and deserve to be treated like, kids.

Your fight, your persistence, and your determination makes the path I travel much easier than it was when you started on it.

To the ones who will come after me, I hope our continued determination, persistence, and fight make your path even smoother than mine.

Happy Mother's Day.

I Saw You

I saw you today. I saw how flustered you were, how embarrassed you were.

Your precious little girl was screaming at the top of her lungs because she didn't understand that you had to pay for her toy before she could have it. She grabbed hold of the older woman behind her and tried to drag the woman towards the exit. Your eyes widened and you gave a horrified gasp as you raced after your daughter, apologizing to the woman as you gathered your child in your arms.

Another woman started in on that horrible rant. "Oh, give her to me! A day at my house and she'll never act like that again!"

"She's speech delayed," I heard you say. "She doesn't understand. She's in therapy. She's trying."

But the comments kept coming.

And I saw your exhaustion. I saw how tired you were, how worn down by this life. You needed a friend, a hug, and how I wish I could have provided that for you! But I was weighed down with my three children, our purchases, and their hyperactivity, because my son's birthday was today and they were hyper and excited. And I didn't say anything, and how I wish I had.

If I could go back half an hour to that store, I wouldn't let you leave without telling you. My oldest didn't talk until he was three. I still have days like the one you're having. My kids don't always get it either. And you're doing just fine. It's okay. Kids aren't meant to be perfect, anyways. No one is.

But mostly, I would like you to know I saw you.