Before we get into the story, let's dispel a myth real quick about autistic children: They do play. They don't do it like other kids-they're very literal and concrete, as opposed to their NT peers more imaginative and abstract play. Kai loves to play, but he does it in ways that make logical sense. For instance, he likes to play pretend by "trading places" with me. I absolutely love it when he does this, and here's why:
When Kai "trades places" with me, he doesn't imagine how he'd do things if he WERE the parent; he does things the way I do them. He doesn't change a thing-he reacts the same way I do and everything. Today, he wanted to "trade places" with me after we were done cleaning the kitchen and living room.
Today, I learned I yell a lot more than I realized, and way more than I should.
In pretending to be him, I played with his toys and did things that he does, like asking incessant questions and pulling all the books off the shelf. Each time I did something for which Kai himself gets in trouble, he, as "Mommy," yelled at me. I couldn't always understand him, and I know that's because of his speech troubles, but the intent was clear: "Mommy" was mad.
After about an hour or so of this, we "traded places" again and went back to being ourselves. I sat him down, and talked to him as best I could about what today's "trading places" had shown me.
"Kai, do you think Mom yells a lot?" Kai nodded. "Do you think it's not fair that Mom yells a lot?" Kai nodded again. "I think Mom should work on that. What do you think?" "Ya!" "Okay. From now on, Mommy will do her best to set a 5 minute timer before I talk to you when I am getting upset with you. Does that sound like a good idea?" "Ya."
So, starting today, I'm going to set a five minute timer when I'm at my wits end with him. I don't like to yell, and I didn't realize how much I was doing it. I look forward to seeing if this new idea works for us, and to more lessons from my toddler.
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